Ha, ha, ha. Ahem.

"We'd like to publish it, do nothing to promote it, and watch it disappear from the shelves in less than a month."

TIP: Cloud compute your next novel?

The shazam speed of success for the free, online publishers like scribd.com and issuu.com have inspired many to post full copies of their zines, manuscripts and books.

There's another reason why authors looking to increase their fan base might consider using these sites. Say you're a writer fascinated by the Gilded Age ruins, you can bet many share your fascination (like Ms. Obie Joe). Use these sites to post elements of your book in progress. Think of it: what could be cooler than posting the latest finding in your research? For nonfiction books, posting research bit by bit is akin to Dickens' posting chapter by chapter the rivets of Nicholas Nickleby.

For finished books, authors should definitely post a chapter of their book, as well as post links or aspects of other works that influenced your book.

When musicians and singers are interviewed about their latest work, the first question is often about the influences of other artists and other art. Given that books and authors are suspectible to even more infuences, here's your chance to draw in your fans with similar connections.

(Obie Joe's preference? Both sites are easy to use, but scribd.com is a bit better suited for visual, and has more visitors to boot).

Twasn't the name, it was the game

One of the more unique aspects of the hit book, The Convenant with Black America, edited by Tavis Smiley, are its back pages. These resemble the last pages of a program from a high school graduation: pages and pages of names. Each name resembles a thumbprint of someone who helped to include valuable, and from the ground up, stories in the book. People contributed through many forums: church seminars; black literature study groups; writer edit sessions and political discussion coffees.

Thanking each contribution in the book may have been seen as unusual or generous, but Ms. Obie thinks it was a savvy investment. Including each name inspired each name to become a champion of the book. After the book was published, each contributor was encouraged to host a Convenant party. Across the country, there were hundreds of these parties to discuss the ideas, and to buy the book.

While this book was certainly one of the biggest successes for small press Third World Press, publisher Haki Madhubuti must have sensed the buy-in was already there. In its first month of release, over 300,000 copies were sold.

For those authors and publishers, particularly in nonfiction, make sure to not forget your first customers: those in the book. Some audiences are right there waiting; look no farther than your own address book.

Her name means commerce

She's two sides of same coin. Found without request. Runs on sweetheart setting until wrong car or any dog crosses her path. Shares her couch with generosity. Misunderstood like the rest of us.

TIP: Candy makes them stickier

On one of those ridiculous hot days when brains are sodden, Ms. Obie Joe listened to campaign staffers worried about getting coverage of the next evening's rally.

"Send every newsroom a cake. Preferably sheet cake, with the time, date and place spelled out in perfect icing," said Ms. Obie Joe.

"Cake? What does cake have to do with moving them tomorrow?," said the earnest staffer.

Ms. Obie Joe, having worked in many a newspaper newsroom, knew the arrival of cake shook the staff awake. We'd descend upon the cake, curious or hungry, and before the knife sliced many pieces, you can bet a few of us knew the date, place and time (as picked up a copy of the news release).

True, the cake trick worked a bit more effectively for a nonprofit's event rather than a political event (maybe a bottle of whiskey would be better suited), but the truth is the same. Sweets are sweet.

At your next book signing, put out a bowl of candy -- make sure it's the good stuff, not the Dollar Store lead filled junk -- and watch as many more stop by to take a look at the book. Our advice may seem simple, but it's an extension of how each Author can approach any event: with an appreciation for the fans and those yet to be your fans.